Secret Asian Man-There Are Better Ways To Die Than With A Needle To Your Neck

I am a bit of a hoarder.  I like things that are useful. I like to be prepared.  So, when I go to fancy hotels and they have free toiletries, I take some.  

My favorite are sewing kits. They are incredibly useful.  You never know when you might need to sew on a button, fix a hole, darn some socks. There is a tiny box with a couple buttons, a variety of thread pre strung onto needles. When I find one, I chuck into my baggage, to be ready for a fashion disaster. In my carryon there are multiple sewing kits rattling around at any one time.

Flying in the world has become more and more of an ordeal. Nowhere more so than Jordan. Because of its proximity to people who don’t like us, Jordanian flights to the US must undergo extra scrutiny.  For a short time, laptops and Ipads were banned carry-on items. Then, under threat of losing all flights to the US, they had to promise to be extra careful with flights headed directly there. 

So, they did.

Now, after you’ve had your bag scanned at the entrance to the airport, and after you have your bag scanned to get through normal airport security, one must line up and have all your bags hand searched by real-live people.  Men are searched by men. Women are searched by women. It easily adds an hour to the boarding process. They’ve walled off one section of the airport just for these American flights and their searches.

I’ve flown to the U.S. three times now recently.  I go extra early.  I stand in line. I get my belongings rifled through. Each time, they open my bag, pocket by pocket. And each time they pull out my sewing kits and give me a finger wag and throw them in the trash.  

This latest time, I laughed and said, “For sewing” mimicking sewing on a button.  They just shook their head. One of the guys took his finger and poked it into his neck.  

“Really?!”  He smiled and shrugged, all the while overlooking the following…

my eyeglass repair kit

a rubber-tipped dental pick

a mirror, a razor

a charging block

a cord

nail clippers

wire rim glasses

keys

I believe I would have a better chance of beating one to death with my Ipad than killing someone with a needle to the neck. Breaking off a piece of glass and shimming in betweens someone’s ribs.  

But took the needles they did.

You may be shivved, stabbed, bludgeoned or strangled, but be rest assured, America, your necks will not suffer the tiny pricks of terrorists.  Thanks Al Qaeda!

S.A.M.- Lines Are For Democracy

Travelling, ever travelling, this week. On the way to Kabul.

Was waiting in line, preparing to board a plane.  The door hadn’t opened yet and the line and the line was about 70 people long. I was a third of the way back.

There had been a group of women sitting nearby. I don’t know where they were from. Let’s say they were from the planet Baru. They had been talking and twittering loudly.  When one can’t understand the tongue, it all sounds like twittering.

At one point, a Baruvian picked up her bags and walked my way. Her eye scanned the length of the line while she dropped her bags next to me. I caught her eye and then wandered my gaze back slowly toward the end of the line. She nudged her bag forward an inch or two with her foot. Still next to me, but the message was clear. She wasn’t going back there.

The doors opened and the line lurched forward. She was watching her friends, so I pulled my suitcase forward, ahead of hers, staking my claim. She kicked her bag into mine. Bump. 

With each movement, I felt a tiny bump.  Message received.

Her Baruvian friends stood up as a group and brazenly marched to the front of the line. No one seemed to bat an eye.

Bump from behind. All the way down the ramp.

Was talking with some people who remarked on how they lost a long distance bike race to someone who passed them in a car with their bike on the back. The other racer got out a mile or so before the finish and won. They lamented that some people do whatever it takes to get to the front. It was something that they’d gotten used to.

 “Lines”, they said, “are for democracy.”

I wondered if that were true or not.  I mean, sure, America is a representative democracy and we do pretty well with lines.  The British, though, are a monarchy, and they love lines.  The Germans seem very orderly and they’re democratic.  The French, home of liberty, fraternity, and equality, could use some remediation. 

I’ve thrown elbows at Greek grandmas, trying to make the last bus.  Greece is the founder of democracy.

India touts itself as the largest democracy in the world, but in a crowd, it’s chaos! 

And speaking of India, how is it that the British exported queuing to colonies, like Singapore and Hong Kong, but it didn’t take hold in India?

I grew up seeing photos of Russians in the Soviet era queuing for food at the store, but last year I had a group of Russian tourists walk through me like I was a ghost. They’ve got some democracy in ‘em now, right?

I wonder if it is more about scarcity. If there’s enough, I don’t have to fight. I can wait. I’ll get mine eventually.

I wonder if, as China or Russian gain strength, they will queue more politely?  As there is a widening income gap in the US, will we need to sharpen our elbows?

On my next leg, a group of Afghan men did the same thing even though there were stanchions set up for a queue.  Three of them moved as one, hand on the shoulder of the man in front.  Well orchestrated. Precision ditching. Shuffling ever forward. Grinning politely all the way. They could not be stopped.  

That’s okay.  I’ll guess I’ll still get my seat.

Port Moresby Updates and More of the Same

I know you've been dying to ask, “Secret Asian Man, what's been happening in Port Moresby?”  

Well, let me tell you!

Since I was last there 7 months ago, they've put the finishing touches on their airport. The A/C works much better.  There is a shiny, new duty free store. The old bus terminal seats have been replaced with new bus terminal seats and are intermingled with couches and some bar stools.  It is now a much more comfy terminal.

There are several new airport eateries. And they even sell crepes!  Crepes! I saw no where else where they sold crepes in the whole country

Things around the rest of the country are improving at a slower rate. In fact, there's been a recent uptick in crime with more carjackings and robberies.  One man was relieved of his phone, wallet and car keys right on the putting green of the local golf course.  An expat woman was dragged from her husband’s car one afternoon and gang raped for three hours before being released.

The locals call this time of year “Mango Madness”.  When everyone gets a little more amped up. It's mango season and also the end of the dry season. It has been an extended dry season.  Reservoir levels are low.  Mines have closed due to lack of water, so many are out of work.  In addition, there was a late frost in the mountains that killed a lot of the sweet potatoes which many people eat. Plus, it's nearly Christmas.  So there are lots of pressures.

I read of a family feud involving a bus that they all shared.  Seems there was a dispute over who owned the bus and who was to help pay the loan and help drive customers, so they jointly drove the bus to the center of the village and set it on fire. Yes, conflict resolution continues to be a problem.

Do they sell crepes anywhere else in the country?  Who knows? Port Moresby is still not a safe place to be.  You still can’t go out without a solid escort and a plan and definitely not after dark. I don't really know if they sell them anywhere else. I kind of think they don’t, but hopefully one day, I can get out and find out first hand.

S.A.M-Travel Insecurity

I read on the news wires recently about how the TSA failed to find some 90% of illegal items when inspectors tried to get them through.  

Here in Indonesia it seems they’re actually getting better.  Or at least their practicing to more stringent standards.

When I first started traveling from here, my bags would be scanned, but I was never sure if anyone was at the screens looking at the images.  I never took off my belt or emptied my pockets.  When I set off a detector, I was given a wand over that usually confirmed that I had some metal on me, but they never asked to see it.  It seemed like they just wanted to confirm that their big metal detector was working okay. They’d wave me on through.

Lately, though, they’ve made me take out my laptop and take off my belt and empty my pockets.  They even made me take off my, mostly plastic, watch.  This watch never sets off an alarm at any U.S airport. On a recent trip from Jakarta, though, it set off the alarm and they made me go back through.

There are still some gaps in the net, though.

On the same trip where I had to remove my watch and walk back through the magneto portal, I caught up with my baggage and a security guard waiting for me.

Guard:  “Sir, is this your baggage?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guard:  “Are there scissors in here?”

Now, it is hard to convey, through this written medium, the power of the “Force” at work in this situation.  But, let me tell you it was amazing!

Me: “No, there are no scissors.”

Guard: (To Monitor watching Guard.  In Indonesian.)  “He says there are no scissors here.”

Monitor watching guard:  “Okay. Let him pass then.”

Guard: (To me)  Okay, sir. Thank you. You may go now.”

And, so I moved on.  

This was all witnessed by my incredulous daughter who muttered all the way down the concourse.  

“We are going to die, we are going to die, we are going to die!  It would be so easy to do something.  I can’t believe anyone can just talk their way out of an inspection!”

“Is that a handgun in your bag?”

“No. It is not a handgun.”

“Okay. These are not the droids we’re looking for. Have a nice day!”